So, last Tuesday was my blogiversary, and if you visited this blog, you probably assumed I had abandoned it. Fear not! I am still here, and I am rested! I took a break because, finals, and final projects, and SLEEP. Then when that was over, I took another week off because the thought of staring at a computer and writing anything that wasn’t for work sounded miserable. Plus what better way to celebrate a blogiversary than stress free week off from everything, except work, but that’s only because they pay me.
I seriously cannot believe that it’s only been a year since threw away my scale and started this blog. In that time the only time I’ve stepped on a scale has been when I’ve gone to the doctor, and I try not to look at the number when I’m there (although I haven’t been perfect). I can honestly say right now, for the first time in my life, I don’t know how much I weigh, and that knowledge, or lack of knowledge, is so incredibly freeing.
So much of my self-esteem used to be wrapped up in how much I weigh. If someone had told me that the key for me getting healthier would be to stop paying attention to my weight, and my BMI I would have told them they were crazy! In this past year I have learned that, that number has so little to do with a person’s actual health.
For years, I struggled with my weight, I would fluctuate within twenty pounds and it didn’t matter what I would do. Calorie counting, made me obsessive and caused me to adopt very unhealthy habits, plus when I added any kind of physical activity with it I felt like I could never eat enough food, which would lead to over eating, or eating unhealthy things. I would get discouraged, and give up, until the next time I decided that I wanted to start again.
Still through all of this, even when I would lose weight I would see, at best, minimal changes in the way I looked. My clothes may have fit slightly better, but I still wasn’t happy. Something clearly wasn’t working. This past year has been so different. I don’t know if I’ve actually lost any weight, I’m actually kind of doubtful, but I feel SO DIFFERENT! For the first time that I can honestly remember, a size small fits me better than a medium. I had to get most of my work clothes altered so that they would stop falling off of me when I did things like walk. Letting go of my weight, helped me to start listening to my body and feel better.
In this past year, I started this blog, ran my first 10k, started graduate school, and moved to a new house, and city. While it may not sound like a lot written down, there was a time, not too long ago, where all of those things would have caused me to spiral back into unhealthy habits. Which isn’t to say this past year has been perfect, however, I also never intended it to be. Stress has gotten the better thing, I’ve prioritized many things over this blog and running, but never over my health and my attitude. That’s the difference, and that, I feel, is pivotal.
Putting myself out there, starting this blog, and telling people about it forced me to step WAY outside of my comfort zone. Every time I post even a minor status on Facebook I get so much anxiety, so the idea of writing entire posts on my life and opening myself up to the blogosphere is terrifying. I am so glad that I made the decision to start this blog and take that step. I know that my updates can be sporadic at best sometimes, but it’s provided a way for me to keep my sanity, and perspective throughout this past year. This blog is simply my little corner of the internet, and I feel lucky, surprised even, when other people happen to read it, and even better, respond.
I am so excited about what is to come! I want to keep growing this blog, finish my second year of grad school, and train for and run a half marathon, and to anything else I haven’t anticipated, I say BRING IT ON!
I said it earlier and I’ll say it again, throwing away that scale was the best thing I could have done for myself a year ago. Starting this blog, was the second best thing. Even if no one reads this ever again, I’ll continue to write, and I’ll stay off the scale. Thank you to everyone who has visited, commented, and reached out to me, the support has meant a lot! Here’s to more blogging and running!