39 Thoughts I Had While Swimsuit Shopping

As I mentioned on Monday I recently found out that I need a new swimsuit because my old one has become far too large. YAY…..

It’s good news. It means I’m becoming healthier and my body is changing for the better. Still I wasn’t too excited.  I HATE swimsuit shopping, largely because long ago the boob fairy just wouldn’t let me be (don’t get it? watch the video for a good laugh!). I ventured over to the mall to try and find a swimsuit and it was interesting to say the least.

  1. I haven’t been to the mall in so long, I should come more often.
  2. Oh yeah, I’m poor, I’m not allowed to come more often.
  3. Okay! Elizabeth, we’re on a mission let’s find a swimsuit!
  4. Look at how cute this one is! I wonder if they have it in my size?
  5. Nope every size but mine, moving on!
  6. There is no way that this swimsuit will cover me I might as well use a postage stamp.
  7. Maybe if I go up a size the cup size will too.
  8. False, if anything this is smaller. How does that make any sense?
  9. This doesn’t look like something you can swim in…
  10. What’s the point in a SWIMsuit if you can’t SWIM in it?
  11. This is cute and in my size I’ll give it a shot.
  12. Wonder how much it costs?
  13. HOLY! Nevermind! Back on the rack
  14. Full Support! This is what I’m talking about!
  15. Ugly
  16. Ugly
  17. Ugly
  18. Why are all of these options ugly?
  19. Well this one is cute
  20. I like this one too.
  21. Okay I have some solid options time for the fitting room!
  22. Option 1. Let’s go!
  23. And HELLO Quadroboob….Didn’t know they could be squashed that way.
  24. NEXT!
  25. Well this one appears to fit. Let’s try the jump test
  26. Jump! Jump! Jump!
  27. Well if I wanted to give everyone on the beach a free show this is the perfect option!
  28. NEXT!
  29. Where do these straps go?
  30. Does it wrap around here?
  31. Or here?
  32. Wait is this for my leg
  33. Maybe my leg goes here?
  34. No…How long until I strangle myself with this swimsuit or hit my head on the bench from falling over?
  35. How long would it take them to find me if I died in here?
  36. I have a college degree and can’t figure out how to put on this swimsuit without injuring myself.
  37. NEXT!
  38. So I look like I have the body of an 80 year old in this suit…
  39. I GIVE UP!

 

As you can see my shopping expedition came up empty handed. I ended up purchasing a suit online from of all places Walmart!!!! Shocking I know! I found this cute number in red, it’s actually the same one I had before, and I loved the vintage quality and how flattering it is, plus $30 for a swimsuit?! Can’t beat that. Hopefully, it’ll still be just as flattering. I can’t tell you how many compliments I’d gotten while wearing my old one. I did really want to get a new style but I guess it just wasn’t in the cards this time, tried and true won out this time.